I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I did not marry a roomba.
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