I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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