Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize