Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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