i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
