it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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