You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
