You're completely useless in the revolution.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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