Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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