9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize