plz talk dirty to me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
