You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
