All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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