I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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