so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
