You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
