if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
