fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
