No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize