they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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