We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Boobs are out for the taking
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
