So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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