cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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