3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
