fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
