We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just want to make out with him forever
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
