I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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