that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
