My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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