I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
