i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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