Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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