We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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