I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
