Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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