OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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