my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
