he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
