Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
