A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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