We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
