who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
