I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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