My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
