My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
