And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
