i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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