i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
