What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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