my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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