Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
