we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
