Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
