oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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