I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
we're so committed to being not committed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
