the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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