Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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