apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize