i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
