i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize