Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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