You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize