nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
