Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
