Taylor Swift is so right about you.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize