I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
