Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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